Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
