So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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