hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
high people should be assigned attendants
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
