Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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