I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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