Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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