the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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