I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
