matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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