No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
