Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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