Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
