he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
