Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
