By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
