My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
