it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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