Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
