can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
