I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
