You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
