She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
