u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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