I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
