he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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