Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to sanitize my soul.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
