he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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