i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
