I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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