Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
