As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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