the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
