two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
