What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Terrible idea I love it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
