When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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