So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
