there's paper in my vomit.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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