i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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