The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
