he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
