do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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