Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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