I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
