No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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