Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
