pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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