you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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