Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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