dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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