So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
