my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
