He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
