please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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