i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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