i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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