I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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